Forgive Us Our Debts

Thanks to Esquire Magazine for showing me Stabilize The Debt, an interactive budgeting tool that lets you try to deal with the Federal budget. It is located here , and it may show you that balancing the budget isn't as easy as it sounds. Esquire's budget roundtable is in the latest issue, the one with Minka Kelly (sigh!) on the cover, and is well worth reading, if you're into that sort of thing.

Flash Friday: Cruel Friends

It's 52/250 time, and my story is called "Mind Games". You can read it here.

Wednesday Wickedness from Who?

It is Wednesday again, and our pal Janera has 10 questions, usually based on statements by a celebrity. This week, she selected Kim Kardashian, who I think is related to OJ Simpson's friend Robert Kardashian from back in the 1990s. That's a pretty loose definition of "celebrity", in my view. But that's just me.


1. "White is actually one of my favorite colors. I have a white car. I love white." Tell us about your first car.

An ancient silver Audi sedan. I loved it to death-literally. Driving into Manhattan to see Miss Saigon, it overheated and died. 

2. "I've just had enough of people misrepresenting me. Get to know me and see who I am." Have you ever been paranoid?

What are you trying to say?

3. "I opened the store myself. Even Paris and Nicky Hilton -- they`re completely independent too." How old were you and what were you doing when you became independent of your parents?

At 23, I got married and moved into an apartment with my wife. 

4. "I want to be a Bond girl!" Have you ever wanted to be in the movies?

I guess. Not really. It never seemed like a viable option, so I never really thought about it. It seems like fun. 


5. "I would never snub Hugh Hefner. I love him and his whole team." How much money would it take for you to pose nude?

5 bucks. If someone wants to see me nude, they are more than welcome. So far, I'm not besieged with offers.  

6. "I think my sense of style is evolving. I'm figuring out ways to be sexy without having to flaunt it." Who are the top 3 sexy celebrities in your opinion?

Hmmmm. Celebrities? I'm not sure who qualifies. Michelle Obama, for sure. Carrie Ann Moss. The woman who plays Juliana Margolies' assistant, Kalinda, on "The Good Wife".

7. "I'm the girl who's too shy to dance in a nightclub — maybe for one song, and then that's it." Tell us about the last time that you danced in a nightclub?

The first and only time, as well as the first and only time I got drunk, was on my 21st birthday, when my friend Paul took me to the Bahama Beach Nightclub in Nashua, New Hampshire. 

8. "I want to be pregnant by the time I'm 30, hopefully." Since normal people don’t decide on having kids depending on their age, what factors do you think are important when making that decision?

As the old joke goes, when you've decided you don't ever want to sleep or have sex again. 

9. "My balance is really bad. I just hope my clumsiness doesn't show through". Is there anything about you that you hope doesn’t show through?

My plans for world domination. 

10. "I eat less junk food, hardly any soda, and just try to eat more protein. I definitely can’t give up sweets all together, so I just toned them down!" How does one “tone down” their diet?

I guess she means not eliminating them, just consuming them in moderation. That's actually pretty sensible. 

Monday Mayhem: Advice Corner

The fine folks at Monday Mayhem have posted six questions this morning about giving advice, and I like few things more than that. Be warned that taking advice from me about anything is kind of like getting clock management lessons from Andy Reid, but be that as it may: 





1. What's your best advice to people who auto-play music on their site?

I don't like it. I love music, but it's bothersome when you open up a site and music comes up unbidden. 


2. What is your best advice to someone thinking about getting married?

In all seriousness, it's kind of like having a baby. If you have to think about it, weigh pros and cons, you're not ready. If you HAVE to do it-if you can't stomach the thought of being without them? Then you're ready.
3. What's your best advice for someone wanting to purchase a new phone?


I have had no problems with the IPhone. None. They have a terrible reputation, but I've never had an issue with dropping calls or inability to get a signal.
4. What's your best advice to offer to the younger generation?




Work for yourself. You have the ability, more so than in any time in the past, to make your living by the sweat of your own brow and make yourself rich. Don't work for others. And above all, DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Get excellent at it. Eventually, people who aren't as good as you will pay you to do it.
5. What's your best advice for anyone wanting to buy a car?














Hyundai. I hate to say it-I've been a Ford person for years, but my last two cars have been Hyundais, and they are an order of magnitude better in every way.






6.What's the best advice to give to everyone?

The golden rule-do unto others. It's thousands of years old, but it's the only universally applicable rule I've ever heard. 

Sick Again

So, not long after that last post, your Humble Correspondent, being susceptible to the thousand shocks that flesh is heir to, checked himself into Hotel Illness. (By The Way, the over/under for Tortured Music And/Or Literary References In This Blog Post is currently 3.5. I advise you take the over.)

Turns out I was developing a leg infection, which makes me wonder where exactly it is my legs have been that cause them to come down with all these infections. I'm a fairly fastidious person, personal cleanliness wise, and yet my legs, apparently, are out doing unspeakable things without me. Bad form, legs.

So after approximately 36 hours of feverish delirium, I am well enough to pretend to be alive, and appear to be able to function- well enough to go back to work, anyway. I am going to live, it seems-and whether or not that is a good thing I will leave, as the hoity toity math books put it, as an exercise for the reader.

A Few Things I Noticed Since I've Been On The Moon:

***

When I called the Person In Charge Of Such Things to tell them I couldn't work yesterday, the reply I got was that "it was a good thing" I "called early enough."

Uh, what?

Listen, I'm calling you because I can't go to work. Not because I don't feel like it, not because it would be uncomfortable for me to do so. Not because I don't feel well. I WAS CALLING BECAUSE I COULDN'T DO MY JOB. PERIOD. At the moment I called, I probably could have spelled my name, if you spotted me two letters. Higher thought was pretty much out the proverbial window. I wouldn't have been any more able to work if I had called you later, or even not at all. I'm very sorry to have inconvenienced you with my body's frailty, but it happens. If I call out sick, it's because I'm unable to function enough to perform competently. That's it.

As I like to joke to coworkers, if I called in sick every time I didn't feel well, you'd never see me again-I haven't felt well in more than 20 years.

Hey, American Business? If you're wondering why you keep getting reports of bad service from your customers, why don't you start treating your employees more like human beings and less like pack mules with a better evolved central nervous system?

***

I spent the day yesterday in bed watching Ken Burns' "Baseball", which I have been buying disc by disc from the Baseball Hall of Fame, because I'm stupid. (I'm paying $25 per disc, and I've seen all 9 on sale for $100 or so. Once again, if you had any doubt from reading this blog, relieve yourself of that doubt right now- I'm stupid.) I only stopped when there was, y'know, baseball on-I then watched the Naughty Fish climb back into their series by beating the Walker Texas Rangers, and then the Twinkies climb out of theirs by being dominated by the MFYs. (If you need to know what that stands for at this point, I'm not sure what to tell you. It's the nickname for one of the two sides of the Civil War, preceded by an act which Freud alleged was a subconscious motivation for men.)

Now, I say "watched", using the term loosely. I was feverish, and prone to dropping off to sleep at various points. But I was conscious for probably 60-70% of it.

I have seen bits of it, the way I usually catch such things-stumbling into it on PBS, or when MLB Network plays it during the offseason. But I haven't exposed myself to so much of it all at once as I did yesterday.

Oh my goodness gracious, it's good.

If you're a baseball fan (like I am), and you haven't watched it (like I hadn't), you have missed something special (like I had).

***

Yesterday, as @ebertchicago so calmly noted on his Twitter feed, "John Lennon should have been 70."

Anyone who reads as much history, speculative history, and science fiction as I do, knows that playing "What If?" is a fool's errand.

But I've always been a fan of fool's errands.

One of the more tantalizing ones is told very well in one of Spider Robinson's later Callahan's books. (I've seen it elsewhere, but whether it is true or not only one living person knows for sure. Call it a rumor based in fact. Or something.) At one point in the mid to late 1970s, a businessman offered the Beatles $1 million to get back together. (It may have been $1 million each, I don't know. I suspect it would have had to be to get them to do it-all four were pretty wealthy, I suspect, at that point. I don't know, but it really doesn't matter.) The appeal made news, of course-and, as a joke, the producer of the fledgling Saturday Night Live show, Lorne Michaels, went on SNL one night offering the Beatles $20, during the show, to reunite. The kicker is that, again, according to the story, Paul McCartney was visiting John Lennon in his apartment at the Dakota in New York City, and they are watching the show together. Now, the show is, of course, live-and it is performed and recorded in New York City-a short cab ride away. So the two Beatles look at one another and shrug and figure, as a lark, they would go down to the studio and take Michaels' offer. So they call a cab. The cab never comes, or they change their mind, and nothing happens.

The way Robinson tells it, of course, you picture the two Beatles jamming with the SNL band (it would be ragged and sloppy, but I suspect you could step into any recording session in the world in 1975 and ask the musicians to play "I Saw Her Standing There", and they'd probably be able to do it without too much trouble), falling back in love with their music, then either touring, maybe (how big would THAT have been) or going back to record at Abbey Road together, and maybe, just maybe, when the troubled loner with the "Catcher in the Rye" paperback and the Charter Arms revolver shows up that night in December 1980: the key point in this alternate universe-Lennon isn't there.

Of course, Lennon may not have done any of that. Maybe he and McCartney would have quarrelled again right after SNL, and history plays out as it did anyway. He could have become a more popular Bob Dylan or Neil Young, if he had lived, living off of past glories, but still pushing forward, offending some fans while making some new ones. Perhaps his years of drug abuse and drinking would have caught up to him in the end, or perhaps he would have simply expired from cancer or some other more natural cause like George Harrison, not seeing 70 in any case.

We're left, in the end, with history as it is. We're left with this, and other suggestions of what might have been. We're left with sons without fathers, a wife without a husband, and a world without an artist.

That sucks.

Happy birthday, John, wherever you are.

***

Today (in my hemisphere, which is, truth be told, really the better hemisphere), 10/10/10, is Binary Answer Day. The Answer To The Ultimate Question To Life, The Universe, and Everything, as all Douglas Adams fans know, is 42. And 42, expressed in binary, the language that computers speak, is 101010.

That is so awesome I can't even describe it.

#geek

What Is Unseen

Over at 52/250 Flash, the new batch of piping hot stories is cooling on the window sill. Mine is called "They Can't See It" and can be found here.

A Wholly Remarkable Series Of Videos!

David, who blogs over here, found a remarkable series of videos-short talks, about 10 minutes each, animated on a remarkable whiteboard-ish sort of thing.



Here's one on motivation I found fascinating-but they are all tremendous. Very highly recommended.

Wednesday Wickedness With The Non Wicked

This week's Wednesday Wickedness is at jjatww.blogspot.com and features Dr. Martin Luther King Junior. 






1. “A lie cannot live.” When was the last time you felt you were forced to lie?




Forced? I don't know if it was forced. I have covered for coworkers when they goofed when no good would have come from blaming them. 



2. “A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.” What, besides the lives of your family, would you be willing to die for?




Die for? Dying ain't much of a living, as Jon Bon Jovi once put it. 


3. “A right delayed is a right denied.” Are there rights or freedoms that you’d give up to be safer?




Absolutely not. Primarily because there isn't any way to actually make me safer. Living in a free society has risks. 



4. “All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.” When was the last time that you solved a problem of yours just to create another?




I took money out of the ATM today, and I probably shouldn't have. I may have overdrawn my account. 


5. “Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” What do you have faith in?




The ability of the universe to continue to thwart my evil schemes for dominance. 


6. “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” Do you believe things in generally will usually win out?




I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean. Does that mean "work out"? If so, no-I don't think, much as I wish it were so, that the meek shall inherit, and all that. I think Orwell had it right-if you want to know about the future, picture a boot stepping on a human face, over and over again. 



7. “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” When was the last time that you spoke out to help someone that you didn’t have to?




I'm ashamed to say I can't think of one. 



8. “It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.” Do you envision a time where the United States will not be at war? Why?




No. War means profit, and the government of the United States is controlled by companies who wish to make more and more profit. Thus, our policies will be those that ensure continued warfare. 



9. “Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.” Is there anything that you are bitter about that you cannot get over?




I'm still bitter that George Bush was declared the winner of the 2000 presidential election. I am also bitter about a number of self inflicted wounds-decisions I made or didn't make that have had results that I'm still not happy about. 


10. “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Do you take chances by speaking up even when it could cost you something?





Sadly, no. Too chicken. 

Some Much Needed (Well, That's More A Matter of Opinion) Love

The fine folks at Indieink.org have seen fit to publish something of mine, a piece of fiction called "A Picture Postcard". You can read it here. It is based on, you guessed it, a picture postcard. The card was written in 1981, and the story written here is about the back story of the characters mentioned on the postcard. I found it in a paperback collection of Kafka I bought at a used bookstore.You can look at the postcard here, if you wish.

I think it's pretty good, myself.

Game 162: AKA Post #2,131

In the final, pointless game of the 2010 season, John Lackey pitched like the league average bowl of suck we have come to know and love, the Red Sox beat Dustin Moseley like he stole something, resulting in a 8-4 win for the Red Sox, the wild card for the Yankees, and the end of the baseball year for Boston. 89-73 is the final tally.

This is also my 2,131st post on this blog, which is the number of games it took Cal Ripken to pass Lou Gehrig for the consecutive games played record.

This may be the final appearance in a Boston uniform for stalwarts like Tim Wakefield, Mike Lowell, Jason Varitek, Jonathan Papelbon, Jacoby Ellsbury, and possibly new friend Adrien Beltre, all of whom may retire, be traded, leave as a free agent, or be released before the curtain drops on Baseball 2011.

So what happened in 2010? Well, if Bill Simmons' friend Hench is correct, Boston fielded its intended lineup 8 (EIGHT) times out of 162 during the 2010 season. That, along with the spontaneous combustion of Josh Beckett and Papelbon, pretty much puts a stamp on the season and drops it in the mailbox.

This is the third consecutive season I have blogged every Red Sox regular season and postseason game. I'm sure it is no coincidence that this has been three straight seasons without Red Sox World Championships. I am undecided whether or not to do this next year, frankly. I don't think that my regular readers, all 7 of them or so, really enjoy it, and, honestly, it became a burden at times this year.

I don't know if it is worth my time and effort for something that really doesn't amuse anyone, not even me.

We will see about that.

Peace, as @matthewberrytmr puts it, Out.

Now This Is Something...

Ever wonder how others see you?

Check this out.

Awesome job there, sir. Well done.

Game 161: On Through The Night

Late last night, the Yankees tried and tried to throw the game away, committing 4 errors, finally succeeding in the tenth inning of Boston's 7-6 victory.

The season, mercifully for the Red Sox, and for me, ends today.

Game 160: Of course he did!

So, with the three games left on the schedule on the Yankees meaning nothing to the Red Sox and just north of nothing to the Yankees, what happens? Well, Tim Wakefield gets rocked in what may be his final appearance for Boston, or, indeed, in the majors, the Red Sox battle back to tie, and then Bad Bill Hall, who carries a glove because the rules say he has to, commits an error to give the Yankees the lead in the tenth of a 6-5 loss.

Sigh.

The nightcap begins at 9:05, and then this long Red Sox National nightmare of a season ends on Sunday with game #162.

It's Friday, Don't Forget to Flash!

Another week of 52/250 Flash is up. I have a piece in it, but I'm not too happy about it. There is a poor word choice in it that I should have noticed, and in general it, being part of something larger, just didn't work out the way I planned. But it's out there, and there's nothing to be done about it now. I think next week's is better.

Rock N Roll Fridays: Smashing Pumpkins

Janera's buddy DJ Kathy A brings us Rock N Roll Fridays, this week featuring mope rockers the Smashing Pumpkins. As always, the lyric first, and then a question based on the lyrics. My answers in italics. 










1. 1979 “Shakedown 1979, Cool kids never have the time. On a live wire right up off the street, You and I should meet”. 
Where were you in 1979?


Third grade, I think. Still twitching after Bucky Dent's home run ended the 1978 Red Sox season. 




2. BELIEVE “And if they steal your life, your heart is still mine. Your song, you sing, a truth, there’s no other. I want to believe in you dear.”
What song do you love to sing along with?


Lots and lots of things, to the chagrin of people who ride in the car with me. "Night Train" by Guns N Roses, "I Can't Tell You Why" by the Eagles, Billy Joel's "Somewhere Along The Line"

3. BULLIT WITH BUTTERFLY WINGS “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage. Someone will say what is lost can never be saved. Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage”. 
When was the last time you felt like a rat in a cage?


The last time I was at work. 
4. CHRISTMASTIME “I remember dreaming, Wishing, Hoping, Praying for this day. Now I sit and watch them, the little ones I love”.
What day are you dreaming, wishing, hoping, praying for?


The day my debt is gone. 
5. DISARM “I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes. And what I choose is my voice. What’s a boy supposed to do?” 
What did you bring to SHOW n TELL as a child to school?


Gosh. I think I brought in a stuffed dog once. I don't recall. 
6. THIRTY THREE “Supper’s waiting on the table. Tomorrow’s just an excuse away. So I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own. The Earth laughs beneath my heavy feet.”
When and where do you generally eat supper?


When I'm at work, I don't. At home? We're kind of casual about that. Whereever. 



7. TODAY “To cleanse these regrets, my angel wings were bruised and restrained. My belly stings.
When was the last time your belly “stung”?


Stomach pain? I have bouts of that from time to time. On the outside? Probably the last time my nephew jumped on it. 




8. TONIGHT TONIGHT “Time is never time at all, you can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth. And our lives are forever changed. We will never be the same. The more you change the less you feel.”
Despite the number, what age do you think you really are?




12. 
9. APPELS AND ORANJES “What if the sun refused to shine? What if the clouds refused to rain? What if the wind refused to blow? What if the seas refused to wave? What if the world refused it’s turn?”
Do you believe the 2012 catastrophe will happen? If so, how are you preparing for it?


No. Even if it is, there's precious little I can do about it. 



10. CHERRY “Stay with me, I’ll set you free. ‘Cause I can tell you once were pretty. Rose, so sad you’ve lost your petals. Lost the luster off your tattle tales.”
What celebrity has not aged well?




Gee. I just saw an old Michael Douglas clip, so I guess I'll say him. But I'm not one to talk. 


11. CRESTFALLEN “Who am I to you? Along the way, I lost my faith. And as you were, you’ll be again. To mold like clay, to break like dirt. To tear me up in your sympathy.”
What was the last thing you made out of dirt or clay?




Probably high school art class. I don't remember, sadly. 

12. EYE “Is it any wonder I found peace through you? Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damned. Turn away from eye, it’s not enough, just a touch.”
How do you find peace?




I wish I knew. If anybody has any ideas, please let me know. 



13. MA BELLE “You must hold your truce alone. To make love happen, the moon must send you home. There’s no place that I’d rather be”.
When was the last time you walked in the moonlight?





Probably Back To School Night. Except it was cloudy, so maybe there wasn't a visible moon.