Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge, if applied liberally to stubborn driveway ice, will melt it in seconds.* This week's word is "engages", and my entry is called, strangely, "Yo, Iceman!," a joke that exactly one person, my wife, will get.
(* Offer not valid in time/space continua where ice contains frozen water)
You've heard the phrase "you had to be there"? It was one of those- something, probably heard on TV, engages something so deep in our brains that we were off and running. It started with a phrase and then we started riffing, like standup comedians trying to top one another, making the phrase more twisted and rococo with each recitation. It ended with us howling with laughter, tears coursing down our red cheeks, slapping thighs, abdomens aching. I remember things like that, and it's like she's still here. It's the only thing that makes me laugh.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Last Blog Post #LastBlog
Guy Kawasaki and Martin Lieberman, among others, have started a thing. This is called "Last Blog", and you are supposed to write your "Last Blog Post", a la Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture"- a final blog post detailing how you want to be thought of/remembered. (By the by- if you haven't read, or at least listened to or watched, the Last Lecture, you need to. Like, now.) Maybe this isn't the best time to be posting on this topic, coming right after the previous one, but here goes:
The Last Blog Post
So, this is it, then. Running down the curtain. Bereft of life, may he rest in peace. Joined the Choir Invisible.
What have we learned? Or, what have I learned?
In order to not be verbose, let me boil it down to ten things. If you remember nothing else of me, remember these ten things:
1. Walks are important. Hits are nice. Hits get glory, and fame, and recognition, and praise. But walks are important. They keep the train running, and they keep the inning going, and they aren't outs. Sometimes, a walk is the best you can do- so just take it. Take what the defense gives you. Don't force it. You'll pop up.
2. Hold a baby whenever you get the chance. WHENEVER. Babies are excellent listeners, and they remind you how fucking fragile everything is. When you're holding a baby, you're not doing anything else.
3. Sit down. You may be walking or standing for a while. Always sit down when you can.
4. Taxes are the price you pay for living in a world with streets and police and fire departments and water and electricity. Shut up and pay them.
5. All politicians are liars. All of them. They take money from corporations and moneyed interests and do the bidding of those interests. Don't believe what any of them say. As my father used to say, "If Richard Nixon told me it was raining, I'd walk across the room and look out the window."
6. That being said, it's still a pretty good deal to be an American.
7. Call your parents. They have sacrificed more than you can possibly imagine until you have kids of your own. Call them.
8. It is almost always better to be honest.
9. A surprising amount of things are better in the abstract than the concrete. Like the outdoors, for example.
10. Keep the ball down and throw strikes.
The Last Blog Post
So, this is it, then. Running down the curtain. Bereft of life, may he rest in peace. Joined the Choir Invisible.
What have we learned? Or, what have I learned?
In order to not be verbose, let me boil it down to ten things. If you remember nothing else of me, remember these ten things:
1. Walks are important. Hits are nice. Hits get glory, and fame, and recognition, and praise. But walks are important. They keep the train running, and they keep the inning going, and they aren't outs. Sometimes, a walk is the best you can do- so just take it. Take what the defense gives you. Don't force it. You'll pop up.
2. Hold a baby whenever you get the chance. WHENEVER. Babies are excellent listeners, and they remind you how fucking fragile everything is. When you're holding a baby, you're not doing anything else.
3. Sit down. You may be walking or standing for a while. Always sit down when you can.
4. Taxes are the price you pay for living in a world with streets and police and fire departments and water and electricity. Shut up and pay them.
5. All politicians are liars. All of them. They take money from corporations and moneyed interests and do the bidding of those interests. Don't believe what any of them say. As my father used to say, "If Richard Nixon told me it was raining, I'd walk across the room and look out the window."
6. That being said, it's still a pretty good deal to be an American.
7. Call your parents. They have sacrificed more than you can possibly imagine until you have kids of your own. Call them.
8. It is almost always better to be honest.
9. A surprising amount of things are better in the abstract than the concrete. Like the outdoors, for example.
10. Keep the ball down and throw strikes.
Suicidal Tendencies
Suicide, or as the Bard called it, "self slaughter", seems to be a theme in my readings these days. There's Lori, who writes incredibly moving and emotionally real words about her attempts to cope with her husband's suicide. There's former Red Sox pitcher John Trautwein, who Dan Shaughnessy reveals is working to try and prevent teen suicide after losing his eldest son. And there's Papa, who saw his declining health and imagined declining skills and committed one of the most famous suicides in history.
There's this gentleman, of course, more recently a famous suicide. And it's not hard to find Kurt Vonnegut, the son of a suicide, talking about his life long habit of smoking Pall Malls as a "classy way to commit suicide". (Vonnegut attempted suicide, but died of natural causes, relatively speaking.)
There is a notion among the psychiatric community that talking about suicide means you are at imminent risk of doing yourself harm. Like all generalizations, this is partially true. Some people who talk about suicide eventually do so. Some people who eat sandwiches also commit suicide, so use generalizations with caution.
I don't think I'm in imminent danger of anything besides overeating. (And I'm nearly always in imminent danger of that.) I think we can talk about suicide without being in danger of doing it. I can't say I've never thought about it- I don't think any thinking person can honestly say they have never thought about it. I can't promise I will never think about it again, either.
But if you're reading this, and you're seriously considering this as an option, please go read Lori's blog. Pick up a Vonnegut book. Listen to a Nirvana song. Remember that the pain of those you leave behind (and there will be- you may feel alone, but I can guarantee you there is someone who will miss you) is unending and without surcease. Please think twice about it.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
100 Word Challenge: A Few Good Men
Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge, if properly appreciated, could probably end the turmoil in Egypt. This week's word is "honor", and my entry is called "A Few Good Men".
He watched Keifer Sutherland spit the words out in a thick Southern drawl.
"He died because he had no ON-NAAH."
Was that true, he wondered? Did you die from having no honor, from not having a set of maxims to live by?
Did you die because you sat in a tiny apartment, letting the phone ring, letting the mail pile up, drinking water from the faucet? He stared at the TV, playing the same old movie.
Did you die from having no rules, or from having too many?
He thought about that question, listening for pounding fists on the door.
He watched Keifer Sutherland spit the words out in a thick Southern drawl.
"He died because he had no ON-NAAH."
Was that true, he wondered? Did you die from having no honor, from not having a set of maxims to live by?
Did you die because you sat in a tiny apartment, letting the phone ring, letting the mail pile up, drinking water from the faucet? He stared at the TV, playing the same old movie.
Did you die from having no rules, or from having too many?
He thought about that question, listening for pounding fists on the door.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
I'm Not Usually The Guy Who Says, "Oh My God, You Have To Watch This", but...
Oh my God, you have to watch this!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
100 Word Challenge: Liability Waiver
Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge lifts the light of freedom to oppressed peoples everywhere, 100 words at a time. This week's theme is "harmless" and the entry is called "Liability Waiver".
The light was impossibly bright, making the white space between the letters painful to look at. I told the pretty woman with the smart ponytail I would read it, but the letters were swimming. "So what does this last paragraph mean, exactly?", I asked her, feigning poor comprehension.
"You agree to hold us harmless if anything goes amiss," she said calmly.
You're going to fill my body with poison and radiation, I thought, running a hand over my hairless scalp, and you think something might go awry?
I signed at the bottom. What could possibly go wrong, I thought.
The light was impossibly bright, making the white space between the letters painful to look at. I told the pretty woman with the smart ponytail I would read it, but the letters were swimming. "So what does this last paragraph mean, exactly?", I asked her, feigning poor comprehension.
"You agree to hold us harmless if anything goes amiss," she said calmly.
You're going to fill my body with poison and radiation, I thought, running a hand over my hairless scalp, and you think something might go awry?
I signed at the bottom. What could possibly go wrong, I thought.
Flashing On The Border
This week's 52/250 Flash is on the theme "Border Town", and my addition is here, called "Close To The Borderline".
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Banquet Speech by Ernest Hemingway (excerpt) - Media Player at Nobelprize.org
Banquet Speech by Ernest Hemingway (excerpt) - Media Player at Nobelprize.org
"Things may not be immediately discernible in what a man writes, and in this sometimes he is fortunate; but eventually they are quite clear and by these and the degree of alchemy that he possesses he will endure or be forgotten. Writing, at its best, is a lonely life."
"Things may not be immediately discernible in what a man writes, and in this sometimes he is fortunate; but eventually they are quite clear and by these and the degree of alchemy that he possesses he will endure or be forgotten. Writing, at its best, is a lonely life."
Saturday, January 22, 2011
5 Marvelous Things
1. Vanessa Woods' book "Bonobo Handshake". I heard about her on PRI's "To The Best Of Our Knowledge", and I went to the library and got it out. I didn't expect much of it or from it. I'm not a big ecology reader, and not really an animal person. Sorry, I'm just not. But I loved this book- she's earthy, funny, and makes the story about the region and the people as much as the animals. Very highly recommended.
2. Once again, To The Best Of Our Knowledge. They continually make really compelling hours of radio, about all sorts of topics.
3. Mike Schmidt's The Forty Year Old Boy podcast. Mike is profane, longwinded, but funny as hell. Basically think like Eric Bogosian, except with less hair. #referencesabout7peoplewillget
4. Michael Cunningham's new book "At Nightfall". Engaging and hypnotizing. It is the story of people I don't know anything about and am nothing like, and they come to life brilliantly. He makes me weak with jealousy.
5. Kelly
2. Once again, To The Best Of Our Knowledge. They continually make really compelling hours of radio, about all sorts of topics.
3. Mike Schmidt's The Forty Year Old Boy podcast. Mike is profane, longwinded, but funny as hell. Basically think like Eric Bogosian, except with less hair. #referencesabout7peoplewillget
4. Michael Cunningham's new book "At Nightfall". Engaging and hypnotizing. It is the story of people I don't know anything about and am nothing like, and they come to life brilliantly. He makes me weak with jealousy.
5. Kelly
I hate you, Michael Cunningham
I hate you because I've been trying to put something into words for all of my adult life, and you managed to do it in two sentences.
"We-we men-are the frightened ones, the blundering and nervous ones; if we act the skeptic or the bully sometimes it's because we suspect we're wrong in some deep incalculable way that women are not. Our impersonations are failing us and our vices and habits are ludicrous and when we present ourselves at the gates of heaven the enormous black woman who guards them will laugh at us not only because we aren't innocent but because we have no idea about anything that actually matters."
Friday, January 21, 2011
100 Word Challenge: Dancing Days (NSFW)
Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word Challenge was almost entirely not responsible for the Jets' victory over the Patriots last week. The word this week is "credentials", and my story is called "Dancing Days".
I'm going to call this one NSFW, though it really isn't. At best, it contains an "adult situation". Whatever that means.
Consider yourself warned.
She presented herself to him shyly, showing him what one should only show a lover or a doctor, like she was showing her invitation to a fancy dress ball. She folded away the tiny triangles of fabric with delicate, precise care, then stood up. The bass pounded through the walls of the tiny room. He knew she wasn't here entirely willingly, and he knew the twenties she had folded away would not pay for textbooks. He suspected no one had treated her kindly in her short life.
He knew all that was true.
Then again, he didn't leave.
I'm going to call this one NSFW, though it really isn't. At best, it contains an "adult situation". Whatever that means.
Consider yourself warned.
She presented herself to him shyly, showing him what one should only show a lover or a doctor, like she was showing her invitation to a fancy dress ball. She folded away the tiny triangles of fabric with delicate, precise care, then stood up. The bass pounded through the walls of the tiny room. He knew she wasn't here entirely willingly, and he knew the twenties she had folded away would not pay for textbooks. He suspected no one had treated her kindly in her short life.
He knew all that was true.
Then again, he didn't leave.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friday Means It's "Meeting Time"
The 52/250 Flash has come into the world again. This week's stories are about "animal behavior", and my story, "Meeting Time", may be found here.
Friday, January 14, 2011
100 Words: "A Sister's Revenge"
The inimitable Velvet Verbosity, who is as close to invincible as mortal beings can hope to be, has issued another 100 Word Challenge to word nerds far and wide. This week's word is "Invicible", and my story is called "A Sister's Revenge"
Krista was always first, she thought, looking at her older sister's face grow red and contort with effort. The first to mature, the first to have a boyfriend, the first to marry, now the first to produce the grandchild their mother wouldn't admit to coveting. Krista was the prow on the front of the family ship- indestructible and perfect. She both loved and hated that about her- nothing she did would be anything but a reflection, because Krista was first.
The doctors told Krista to push, and she swore back at them.
Not so invincible now, she thought.
Krista was always first, she thought, looking at her older sister's face grow red and contort with effort. The first to mature, the first to have a boyfriend, the first to marry, now the first to produce the grandchild their mother wouldn't admit to coveting. Krista was the prow on the front of the family ship- indestructible and perfect. She both loved and hated that about her- nothing she did would be anything but a reflection, because Krista was first.
The doctors told Krista to push, and she swore back at them.
Not so invincible now, she thought.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)