http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article5402643.ece
...like hauling bodies out of a pile of rubble.
In a childish way, I am just sick of Israel. Sick of Palestine. Sick of Hamas. Sick of this story, which hasn't stopped since practically I learned to read, and apparently, is never going to stop. Just keep killing people until everyone's dead, guys. That will solve it.
This is one of those conflicts where everyone's right. Israel deserves a homeland after the Holocaust. The Palestinians didn't deserve to get thrown out of their houses because of some lines white guys drew on a map. We've put people into outer space, and we can't solve the ancient problem of two kids who want one cookie?
You know that scene in an alien movie where the aliens express contempt for humans? This is one of the reasons why they do that.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Why My Life Is Like A Sitcom
(INTERIOR: Cluttered house, dusk. Elegant, pretty WIFE approaches disheveled HUSBAND.)
HUSBAND: I ordered pizza. Penn Pizza Palace. Because they're alliterative.
WIFE: (frowns silently, contemplating whether or not "stupidity" is adequate grounds for divorce.)
HUSBAND: And they make Sicilian. (pause) I wouldn't order food based on alliteration. That would be silly.
WIFE: You'd have to go to the Dolphin Diner. And order Salisbury Steak.
HUSBAND: (thinks) With French Fries. And Chocolate Cake.
WIFE: That sounds pretty good!
(End scene.)
HUSBAND: I ordered pizza. Penn Pizza Palace. Because they're alliterative.
WIFE: (frowns silently, contemplating whether or not "stupidity" is adequate grounds for divorce.)
HUSBAND: And they make Sicilian. (pause) I wouldn't order food based on alliteration. That would be silly.
WIFE: You'd have to go to the Dolphin Diner. And order Salisbury Steak.
HUSBAND: (thinks) With French Fries. And Chocolate Cake.
WIFE: That sounds pretty good!
(End scene.)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Whatever You Call It
Mark Teixeira is going to be a Yankee, and I'm still not happy about it.
I know its peevish and childish to be unhappy on Christmas Day. There is this enormous weight of expectation in our culture that we not only have a Merry Christmas, but the MERRIEST Christmas. Katie Couric said so, after all. And there really isn't anything wrong. Except the Teixeira thing. F&*king Yankees.
The Teixeira thing does lend some spice to the rivalry, though, as if it needed more sauce. Beating them is going to be extra sweet, because they are SO loaded, and losing them is going to feel like an extra strength "kick in the goonies", as Mike Myers used to say in the old Saturday Night Live sketch with Patrick Stewart. But I digress.
Christmas was fine. My nephew and bosom buddy Simon was over, and he was. predictably, a little touchy as he seems to be fighting a bit of a cold. He was also being pushed beyond his bedtime comfort zone, so that made for a few meltdowns. His parents handle him brilliantly, though, much better than I did at the same age, and, once the gift wrap started flying, he got in the zone.
He got mostly Thomas the Tank Engine stuff, which seemed to delight him no end. He gets another Christmas today, at his other grandparents' house, so I can hardly imagine how happy he must be today. Undoubtedly more Thomas stuff, and more attention, and more, more, more.
My own son, 'Ol Whatshisname, (kidding!) made out fairly well too. He's more into the Christmas spirit of getting than that of giving, but he showed admirable restraint in waiting for Simon to start the gift process.
Other than watching the kids, that was pretty much it. The rest of the time has been spent finishing the James Bond novels I got from the library ("On Her Majesty's Secret Service", "You Only Live Twice", and "The Man With The Golden Gun".) I haven't read them in probably 20 or so years. They aren't quite as good as I remember.
The books are lurid in their descriptions of violence and the damage to Bond's body and psyche. Fleming is a racist, even by the standards of his time, but if you can overlook that stuff, they aren't bad. I don't think I'm going to read any more, though.
I started a paperback I think I borrowed from my father's collection-a Star Trek collection of novellas about the engineers-LaForge, Scotty, etc. It's not bad. When I get back to the library, I may check out a few more. I haven't read any Star Trek books in a long while, either.
Sigh.
As Dr. Denis Leary used to put it, Merry F&*king Christmas.
I know its peevish and childish to be unhappy on Christmas Day. There is this enormous weight of expectation in our culture that we not only have a Merry Christmas, but the MERRIEST Christmas. Katie Couric said so, after all. And there really isn't anything wrong. Except the Teixeira thing. F&*king Yankees.
The Teixeira thing does lend some spice to the rivalry, though, as if it needed more sauce. Beating them is going to be extra sweet, because they are SO loaded, and losing them is going to feel like an extra strength "kick in the goonies", as Mike Myers used to say in the old Saturday Night Live sketch with Patrick Stewart. But I digress.
Christmas was fine. My nephew and bosom buddy Simon was over, and he was. predictably, a little touchy as he seems to be fighting a bit of a cold. He was also being pushed beyond his bedtime comfort zone, so that made for a few meltdowns. His parents handle him brilliantly, though, much better than I did at the same age, and, once the gift wrap started flying, he got in the zone.
He got mostly Thomas the Tank Engine stuff, which seemed to delight him no end. He gets another Christmas today, at his other grandparents' house, so I can hardly imagine how happy he must be today. Undoubtedly more Thomas stuff, and more attention, and more, more, more.
My own son, 'Ol Whatshisname, (kidding!) made out fairly well too. He's more into the Christmas spirit of getting than that of giving, but he showed admirable restraint in waiting for Simon to start the gift process.
Other than watching the kids, that was pretty much it. The rest of the time has been spent finishing the James Bond novels I got from the library ("On Her Majesty's Secret Service", "You Only Live Twice", and "The Man With The Golden Gun".) I haven't read them in probably 20 or so years. They aren't quite as good as I remember.
The books are lurid in their descriptions of violence and the damage to Bond's body and psyche. Fleming is a racist, even by the standards of his time, but if you can overlook that stuff, they aren't bad. I don't think I'm going to read any more, though.
I started a paperback I think I borrowed from my father's collection-a Star Trek collection of novellas about the engineers-LaForge, Scotty, etc. It's not bad. When I get back to the library, I may check out a few more. I haven't read any Star Trek books in a long while, either.
Sigh.
As Dr. Denis Leary used to put it, Merry F&*king Christmas.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Factually Correct Five
Five things, in honor of Matthew Berry of ESPN.com, that are factually correct:
1. You really need to stop dickering at the grocery store. It is the price that it is. Arguing with the vacant teenager or addled senior that is ringing your groceries is not going to give you a 10% discount. If you really think it's wrong, don't buy it, or take it to the customer service desk. Don't argue with someone who doesn't know and doesn't, frankly, care.
2. Pantomiming different ways I am going to kill myself (shooting myself, strangling myself, setting myself on fire, hanging myself) while the aforementioned customer dickered and I looked away from them and at my wife, who was shaking with silent laughter, is funny.
3. It's friggin' cold.
4. Christmas is both going to be more and less than I expect.
5. At least five times tomorrow, someone is going to ask me, "Are you open?"
1. You really need to stop dickering at the grocery store. It is the price that it is. Arguing with the vacant teenager or addled senior that is ringing your groceries is not going to give you a 10% discount. If you really think it's wrong, don't buy it, or take it to the customer service desk. Don't argue with someone who doesn't know and doesn't, frankly, care.
2. Pantomiming different ways I am going to kill myself (shooting myself, strangling myself, setting myself on fire, hanging myself) while the aforementioned customer dickered and I looked away from them and at my wife, who was shaking with silent laughter, is funny.
3. It's friggin' cold.
4. Christmas is both going to be more and less than I expect.
5. At least five times tomorrow, someone is going to ask me, "Are you open?"
Thanks for nothing, Claus!
According to numerous sources,
{http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/extras/extra_bases/2008/12/reports_teixeir.html) slugging first baseman Mark Teixeira has agreed to sign with....wait for it....The New York Flippin' Yankees.
Yeah, the Yankees.
The Freaking Yankees.
Bah, humbug.
{http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/extras/extra_bases/2008/12/reports_teixeir.html) slugging first baseman Mark Teixeira has agreed to sign with....wait for it....The New York Flippin' Yankees.
Yeah, the Yankees.
The Freaking Yankees.
Bah, humbug.
Monday, December 22, 2008
On Again, Off Again
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/blog/index?entryID=3786801&name=olney_buster
The On Again, Off Again Mark Teixeira talks appear to be somewhat on again. According to ESPN's Buster Olney, Boston still has the best deal. According to Teixeira, he wants to be done by Christmas. Christmas is Thursday.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done...
The On Again, Off Again Mark Teixeira talks appear to be somewhat on again. According to ESPN's Buster Olney, Boston still has the best deal. According to Teixeira, he wants to be done by Christmas. Christmas is Thursday.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Well, this is cheery...
"The search for efficiency and the urge to consume has set us all up like a row of dominoes - there is no buffer, no resiliency. As one problem rises it causes another. As one solution is tried it drives another problem. We all pull back and the consumer economy stalls. The auto industry and credit firms feeds the media (40% of conventional advertising). Papers and TV and Radio networks, many subject to LBO's will have to fail as per the Tribune. Every sector will be laying people off. Sales of all things fall off a cliff - driving more business failures and layoffs. Cities and states that depend on sales tax and property tax and the credit markets can rely on none of these. So they too will have to lay off millions - thus making all the problems worse. National governments will be asked to save us all and of course cannot. As States and Cities get squeezed and cannot borrow, they will too lay off millions - teachers, firemen police. No one will be safe."
-Consultant Robert Paterson
(http://smartpei.typepad.com/robert_patersons_weblog/)
-Consultant Robert Paterson
(http://smartpei.typepad.com/robert_patersons_weblog/)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Wall Street Journal Likes To Make Stuff Up
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122964985803120513.html
The pathetic attempt of the Wall Street Journal Editorial Page to defend the torture of human beings.
"Actionable intelligence is the most effective weapon in the war on terror, which can potentially save thousands of lives."
There is no evidence that torture produces actionable intelligence.
"In fact, Congress has always defined torture so vaguely as to ban only the most extreme acts and preserve legal loopholes. At least twice it has had opportunity to specifically ban waterboarding and be accountable after some future attack. Members declined."
Well, that's fair. I mean, everyone KNOWS that it is ONLY waterboarding that keeps us safe. Not, you know, security and stuff.
"As for "stress positions" allowed for a time by the Pentagon, such as hooding, sleep deprivation or exposure to heat and cold, they are psychological techniques designed to break a detainee, but light years away from actual torture."
What is the difference? "Techniques designed to break"? It's torture. Whoever wrote that sentence should undergo SERE training and report back about how non-torturous it is.
"Mr. Levin claims that Bush interrogation programs "damaged our ability to collect accurate intelligence that could save lives." The truth is closer to the opposite."
The evidence, unfortunately, supports Mr. Levin.
"The second-guessing of Democrats is likely to lead to a risk-averse mindset at the CIA and elsewhere that compromises the ability of terror fighters to break the next KSM. The political winds always shift, but terrorists are as dangerous as ever."
Nowhere near as dangerous as the reckless gang of thugs who currently occupy the White House.
The pathetic attempt of the Wall Street Journal Editorial Page to defend the torture of human beings.
"Actionable intelligence is the most effective weapon in the war on terror, which can potentially save thousands of lives."
There is no evidence that torture produces actionable intelligence.
"In fact, Congress has always defined torture so vaguely as to ban only the most extreme acts and preserve legal loopholes. At least twice it has had opportunity to specifically ban waterboarding and be accountable after some future attack. Members declined."
Well, that's fair. I mean, everyone KNOWS that it is ONLY waterboarding that keeps us safe. Not, you know, security and stuff.
"As for "stress positions" allowed for a time by the Pentagon, such as hooding, sleep deprivation or exposure to heat and cold, they are psychological techniques designed to break a detainee, but light years away from actual torture."
What is the difference? "Techniques designed to break"? It's torture. Whoever wrote that sentence should undergo SERE training and report back about how non-torturous it is.
"Mr. Levin claims that Bush interrogation programs "damaged our ability to collect accurate intelligence that could save lives." The truth is closer to the opposite."
The evidence, unfortunately, supports Mr. Levin.
"The second-guessing of Democrats is likely to lead to a risk-averse mindset at the CIA and elsewhere that compromises the ability of terror fighters to break the next KSM. The political winds always shift, but terrorists are as dangerous as ever."
Nowhere near as dangerous as the reckless gang of thugs who currently occupy the White House.
As if you needed more evidence we need trials for bankers...
http://abclocal.go.com/wjrt/story?section=news/local&id=6563329
According to this story, Bank of America, which was more than willing to take taxpayer money in the bailout, turns around and repossesses a soldier's car, while he is serving in Iraq.
As Douglas Adams once wrote, "first against the wall when the revolution comes."
According to this story, Bank of America, which was more than willing to take taxpayer money in the bailout, turns around and repossesses a soldier's car, while he is serving in Iraq.
As Douglas Adams once wrote, "first against the wall when the revolution comes."
Helium
I went to see Jimmy Pardo tonight. (Well, last night.) (Whatever.) He was terrific, not the least of which because an early arrival got my wife and I into the very FIRST ROW. Of course, being a comedy show, we were ragged on the whole night, but it was hysterically funny.
(Special note to Katie: Helium is on Sansome St., downtown Philly-very easy to get to. It appears to be new-at least, I never heard of it. Food prices are fairly reasonable. Total tab for the night for two of us is maybe $100-but then again, we're not drinkers. Once you get reemployed, you could do worse than to catch a show there.)
(Special note to Katie: Helium is on Sansome St., downtown Philly-very easy to get to. It appears to be new-at least, I never heard of it. Food prices are fairly reasonable. Total tab for the night for two of us is maybe $100-but then again, we're not drinkers. Once you get reemployed, you could do worse than to catch a show there.)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Top Five At Four
ONE: http://tinyurl.com/4eamve
Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, which has sold more copies than there are people on the Earth, is going to give President Elect Obama's invocation. This has ignited a kerfuffle, since Warren has not been shy, like most preachers, about his opposition to gay marriage. However, he is anti poverty and anti human misery, which is frankly more important. He is wrong about gay marriage, and the future will prove him so. As Dr. King said, the arc of history is long, but it bends toward justice. (He was quoting someone else, but I don't recall who that was and I am too lazy too look it up.)
TWO: http://tinyurl.com/4dfzsh
Mark Teixeira, the free agent prize still on the board, is still in limbo. Reportedly, Boston has dropped out of the running when shown offers that Teixeira, a name only a copy editor could love, supposedly has from other teams. But Scott Boras, Teixeira's agent, is infamous for the baseball equivalent of vaporware, "offers" that have originated only in Boras' skull. So it may not yet be over.
THREE: http://tinyurl.com/4oo65w
Retailers say that Christmas shopping is disappointing. Yet, everytime I have gone into a store this week, it has been PACKED. WTF?
FOUR: http://tinyurl.com/4hztp2
Majel Barrett Roddenberry, widow of the creator of Star Trek, has passed away. While by no means a big fan, I have seen a number of movies and TV shows, and always thoroughly enjoyed each one. RIP.
FIVE: www.jimmypardo.com
I'm going to see Jimmy Pardo, standup comedian extraordinaire, at a new comedy club in downtown Philadelphia tonight.
Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, which has sold more copies than there are people on the Earth, is going to give President Elect Obama's invocation. This has ignited a kerfuffle, since Warren has not been shy, like most preachers, about his opposition to gay marriage. However, he is anti poverty and anti human misery, which is frankly more important. He is wrong about gay marriage, and the future will prove him so. As Dr. King said, the arc of history is long, but it bends toward justice. (He was quoting someone else, but I don't recall who that was and I am too lazy too look it up.)
TWO: http://tinyurl.com/4dfzsh
Mark Teixeira, the free agent prize still on the board, is still in limbo. Reportedly, Boston has dropped out of the running when shown offers that Teixeira, a name only a copy editor could love, supposedly has from other teams. But Scott Boras, Teixeira's agent, is infamous for the baseball equivalent of vaporware, "offers" that have originated only in Boras' skull. So it may not yet be over.
THREE: http://tinyurl.com/4oo65w
Retailers say that Christmas shopping is disappointing. Yet, everytime I have gone into a store this week, it has been PACKED. WTF?
FOUR: http://tinyurl.com/4hztp2
Majel Barrett Roddenberry, widow of the creator of Star Trek, has passed away. While by no means a big fan, I have seen a number of movies and TV shows, and always thoroughly enjoyed each one. RIP.
FIVE: www.jimmypardo.com
I'm going to see Jimmy Pardo, standup comedian extraordinaire, at a new comedy club in downtown Philadelphia tonight.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
One of the most remarkable things in the history of things
http://baseballcardblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/casey-at-bat.html
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
What recession?
Shopping for baking supplies with my better half this afternoon, I encountered a shelf full of chocolate covered somethings, about the size of a softball. I came closer.
Handmade chocolate covered apples.
$8.99 each.
9 DOLLARS? FOR AN APPLE?
Better be covered in gold and cocaine for 9 dollars. Sheesh.
Handmade chocolate covered apples.
$8.99 each.
9 DOLLARS? FOR AN APPLE?
Better be covered in gold and cocaine for 9 dollars. Sheesh.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
You Can Call Me Al
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOiVaE-pKqM
I forgot how funny this video was. The song that lent a lyric to the title of this very blog, Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al".
I forgot how funny this video was. The song that lent a lyric to the title of this very blog, Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al".
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