I was sitting here, trying to decide which new collection of semicoherent podcast ramblings to add to my IPod, while, apparently, absent mindedly picking at a scab on my leg.
I hear a sound which sounds like a stream of liquid hitting my carpet.
"Hmm? What's that?"
I look down to see a purple string running between my left calf and my right calf, like I was Gulliver and the Lilliputians were trying to trip me up with yarn.
The sound continues.
I look down again, to see my modem, DSL cables, and the corner of my desktop covered in something that looks like blood.
Apparently, I hit some sort of a vein, and blood, under some pressure, is shooting out of my left calf and soaking my carpet and the computer.
After a panicked scramble, and 15 minutes of direct pressure, I have stopped spraying like a Las Vegas fountain.
I assume this means I am not going to die tonight. Not of that, anyway.
But if you don't hear from me again, you'll know why.
Just kidding, dude. Seriously.
As the lovely and talented Aubrey Sabala would put it,