WARNING!

The following post contains the word "penis". Those readers who are offended by the word "penis", actual penises, pictures of penises, the concept of the penis, Puppetry of the Penis, or even former Penn State running back Curtis Enis, should not read this blog post. Move on to the next one, which will probably be about baseball or something.

Like everyone else, I get plenty of spam emails-prize announcements from Irish lottery officials, offers from Nigerian princes or relatives from the Ivory Coast that have left me money. Mortgage companies offering to lower my rate, or girls who are willing to do things to livestock on camera and let me watch, or offers to increase the size of my penis or breasts.

So earlier today, I open one of these for some reason, and it is a discriminating offer from a website owner who wants me to review his website in exchange for cash or product samples. Now, I'm sure he is in hot pursuit of my readers, knowing the high educational level, general intelligence and wonderfulness of my readers, and clearly needing to have those sorts of people channeled towards his website. Or maybe he just wants to find Hairy Rosanna fans.

So, always having a pro-people who want to give me stuff policy, I click on the link in the email.

So therefore, here are my views on the Peloop. (www.peloop.com)

The Peloop, it appears, is a loop for one's penis. Hence the name. They report on their very red website that the peloop is made from Germanium, tourmaline, and "magnets". Strangely, all three of these substances actually exist. The benefit of these substances to the penis is also boldly reported on their site-by improving thr health of the blood in your penis, of course, you increase the health of the penis.

Naturally.

Now, magnets have some role in health, I get that. But it's the germanium and tourmaline that get me-they emit "negative ions" (or "Air Vitamins") and "Far Infra Red Rays" (or "Growth Rays").

I know a fair bit about chemistry. "Air Vitamins"? "Growth Rays"? Isn't that the AA team for Tampa Bay?

So after some more manure about made up medical sounding stuff, there is a picture of former Yankees manager Joe Torre at the bottom of the page. I'm sorry, but I don't want to think about my penis and Joe Torre in any way.

So, in summary, in terms of $40 bogus fake penis products, I strongly feel that Peloop is the way to go. Joe Torre picture or no Joe Torre picture.