@JeSuisLeSinge Est Trouve.

Police reports from Vancouver indicate they have found a body that they believe to be actor Andrew Koenig. In case you’re just joining us, the last several posts here have been about Koenig’s absence, which began on February 18, when he failed to board his flight home, and continued until today. His absence became a news story in recent days, as social media sites like Twitter and Facebook began to swell with friends and family asking strangers in the Vancouver area to try to help find him. The troubled actor played a secondary role on the sitcom “Growing Pains”, and was the son of a member of the cast of the original “Star Trek” television show. He became known to me through his brother in law, Jimmy Pardo, who started the podcast “Never Not Funny”. Koenig produced the video of the podcast, occasionally becoming involved in the show’s banter, and also ran the humor site “MonkeyGoLucky.com”, as well as some other projects.

This is, of course, news that is unspeakably awful for Andrew’s family and friends, who are going through psychic pain of the most unbelievable sort. My deepest sympathy goes out to them at this horrible time. God bless the Pardos, and the Koenigs, and the Francises, and everyone who knew and loved Andrew. Hopefully they will find ways to cope in the weeks and months and years to come.

I didn’t know Koenig. I don’t know anyone who knew Koenig. And yet at the same time, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

If I’ve offered one piece of advice more than any other, it might be the following: you can’t decide in advance what your feelings are going to be. They are neither inappropriate nor invalid nor incorrect. They simply are. All you can do is react to them and cope with them as they are.

I’m going to try to follow my own advice. And probably not succeed.

I’m angry. Not at Koenig, necessarily. Not entirely. He was ill, and not responsible for his actions. Suicide is a reckless, selfish act, but I can’t say truthfully that I can’t see the logic in it. I guess I’m angry at a universe that allows things like this to occur. I’m angry that this happened, and I’m angry that this happens. I’m angry at life, and at God. It is senseless, and cruel, and I hate it.

As Les Miserables taught us-

“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken-
There’s a pain goes on and on-
Empty chairs at empty tables-
Where my friends are dead and gone…
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me-
That I live and you are gone-
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken-
There’s a pain goes on and on.”

RIP, AK 47.