Grant Balfour throws a ball to Geoff Jenkins, continuing Game Five of the 2008 World Series.
Bottom Six, score tied, 2-2.
Jenkins pulls a fastball into right center for a double to open the inning.
(That's The Way) JRoll bunts him to third.
There would be a certain poetic justice if Philadelphia just pounds the ever loving crap out of Tampa, sealing the Series right here.
Jayson "Yeah, I Spell It That Way" Werth is up now.
Werth hits a sky high popup behind second base, which Iwamura gets to, but drops, scoring Jenkins with a run.
JP "Thurston" Howell comes in for Tampa to face Chase "Heartthrob" Utley
Ryan Howard can't act.
Howell whiffs Utley on a neat little hook, and now it's the Big Fella, Ryan Howard, with two out.
Werth sneaks into second on a busted pickoff attempt-Howell threw to first, but Werth just took off, beating the throw. A Jackie Robinsonish move.
The Big Fella hits it eight miles up, but The Desperate Third Baseman tracks it down for the out.
Onto Inning the Seventh.
Ryan Madsen, a tall drink o'water, facing Dioner (Maker) Navarro. Madsen freezes him on the inside fastball for a called strike three.
Philadelphia seems to have it goin' on.
But then the pride of Providence, Rocco Baldelli, homers into the stands in left center to tie the game at three.
So much for that little idea.
Jason Bartlett, who couldn't hit water if you threw him into the water, is up against Madsen.
Bartlett singles to left.
So much for that little idea.
"Beautiful naked big titty women just don't fall out of the sky, you know!"
(I figured, since everything I say is immediately being disproven by reality, I'd try that trick, courtesy Jason Mewes' Jay from the movie "Dogma".)
Maddon allows the pitcher, Thurston Howell III, to bunt Bartlett to second.
Manuel answers with JC "Superstar" Romero to face Iwamura.
Iwamura grounds the ball up the middle. Utley comes over to get it, does not throw to first, but clutches and whips the ball home. Bartlett, who hadn't stopped running, is out at the plate.
Phew. Exciting stuff.
Howell pitching to Pat "The Bat" Burrell, aka Pat "The Rally Killing Swinging Strikeout" Burrell.
And Pat the Bat launches a moon shot, crushing the ball into left center and just missing a home run near the "State Farm" sign.
Maddon goes to his bullpen for Chad "Groundballs are My Business, and Business Is Good" Bradford to face "The Flyin' Hawaiian", Shane Victorino.
Victorino grounds to second, advancing pinch runner Eric "At Least I'm Faster Than Pat Burrell" Bruntlett to third.
Now Pedro "Didn't you used to be Pedro Feliz?" Feliz.
And Feliz smacks a groundball single back up the middle to score Bruntlett.
"Ain't no stoppin us now..we're on the move...Philly's in the groove..."
Now catcher Carlos Ruiz. Ruiz hits a shot back through the box, but Iwamura tracks it down, flipping to Bartlett to get a forceout.
JC Romero is allowed to bat, and he also grounds out to Iwamura, ending the inning. 4-3 after 7.
Romero is on to face Carl Crawford, who singles to center. Bossman Junior, BJ Upton, hits into a 6-4-3 DP, which is huge. Suddenly the Rays have 4 outs left in their season.
Northeastern's own Carlos Pena flies out to left, and Tampa has 3 outs away.
It has been 28 years since Philadelphia had a World Series champion, and 25 since they had a title in a major sport.
And they're three outs away.