Five things, in honor of Matthew Berry of ESPN.com, that are factually correct:
1. You really need to stop dickering at the grocery store. It is the price that it is. Arguing with the vacant teenager or addled senior that is ringing your groceries is not going to give you a 10% discount. If you really think it's wrong, don't buy it, or take it to the customer service desk. Don't argue with someone who doesn't know and doesn't, frankly, care.
2. Pantomiming different ways I am going to kill myself (shooting myself, strangling myself, setting myself on fire, hanging myself) while the aforementioned customer dickered and I looked away from them and at my wife, who was shaking with silent laughter, is funny.
3. It's friggin' cold.
4. Christmas is both going to be more and less than I expect.
5. At least five times tomorrow, someone is going to ask me, "Are you open?"