We've run out of Tuesday/Wednesday gags, so since it's about an hour and a half until Wednesday, I'm going to go ahead with Janera's Wednesday Wickedness, based on statements by The Boss, the late Yankee owner George Steinbrenner.
1."But why shouldn't I speak out? Don't you speak out in this country?" Do you speak out as often as you should?
No. I am big on suffering in silence to preserve harmony. Not a good trait.
2. "I am tough. Sometimes I'm unreasonable. I have to catch myself every once in a while." Are you ever tough and unreasonable?
I'm very hard on my son. I'm scared of his future, partially-and part of it is just me being an asshole.
3. "I haven't always done a good job, and I haven't always been successful - but I know that I have tried." Do you believe that sometimes you learn more from a failure than a success?
I'm having trouble learning from anything. Then again, I'm not succeeding much, so how could I tell the difference.
4. "Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next." Do you feel that you always have to win?
No. As Leonard Cohen once put it, I am "Born To Lose".
5. "It is unbelievable to me that the highest-paid team in baseball would start the season in such a deep funk.” Do you think money always buys greatness?
No. Yankee teams proved this over the years. What money does do is buy you the chance to bury your mistakes-with money, you can try again and again.
6. "I take my last phone call at home at about 11pm." What time is too late to call you?
There isn't really a too late time. If you need to call me, you can call me. But if it's after about 10pm, you better have a good reason. (My niece once decided 6:30 AM on a Sunday was a good time to call me. I didn't get mad at her directly, but I let her Daddy know that wasn't very cool.)
7. "Don't talk to me about aesthetics or tradition. Talk to me about what sells and what's good right now." Do you think tradition matters?
Sort of. Tradition in sports gets too much credit for things. There is an extra something about the Yankees-they are integral to the history of baseball in a way that the Marlins will never be. But that doesn't win baseball games or accomplish anything real in 2010.
8. "And what the American people like is to think the underdog still has a chance." Do you tend to root for the underdog?
Sure. Given no rooting interest, I will pull for the underdog.
9. "I don't think I ever could exceed my father's successes. He was a completely satisfied man, he knew what he wanted to accomplish and he accomplished it. I did do a lot, though, to try to please him." Do you ever feel that you want to exceed your parents successes?
I'd love to, but I'll never be one tenth the man my father was.
10. "I'm really 95 percent Mr. Rogers, and only 5 percent Oscar the Grouch." In terms of cartoon characters, who are you like?
Half Spongebob (work ethic and consistency and weird hobbies) and half Patrick (lazy, love food and creature comforts, and don't understand anything.)