I thought there wasn't a game tonight, but it turns out there was. We have Toronto again tomorrow and then the Rays Friday.
So after a visit to the doctor, where I have some lab values that don't make sense, and a trip into the city for a lecture about comorbid depression, I am back home. Morbid and depressed.
Following on ESPN, David Ortiz, who seems to be back up on his horse, hit a 7th inning home run to give Boston a 1-0 lead, but Alex Rios, who is going to be a real, real good hitter, knocked a sacrifice fly in the 8th to tie the game at one.
The lecture was standard stuff, reminding us of what we should be doing and aren't doing, that kind of stuff. Forced conversation, which I hate, and mass produced food, which was actually pretty decent. There was gnocchi. I skipped dessert, which was good, but walked across the street to a Rite Aid and bought two candy bars with my iced tea, which was bad.
In the bottom of the 9th, Scott Downs on for Toronto, Ortiz singles and Ramirez walks. Lowell strikes out. Working Class Hero Brandon Moss is up. Moss singles, but pinch runner Jed Lowrie is thrown out trying to score. But the Captain, Jason Varitek, the mighty Captain, O Captain My Captain, singles to center to score ManRam with the winning run. Phew.
Why was Toronto pitching Scott Downs in a tight game, late?
A tight one, but again, we'll take it.
Both my wife and I are in an odd place, health wise. We have serious health issues, each of us, and in a way, we couldn't care less. We don't take proper care of ourselves, we don't do the somewhat simple things that we could do that would prolong our lives, and even improve our quality of life. Sometimes immensely.
Why? On some level, we just don't care. Additional years of life just don't interest either one of us all that much. It's selfish, and a refutation of all sorts of things that I believe in, or say I believe in. When a genius like Randy Pausch or Steven Hawking struggles for every day of life, and I am essentially crumpling days up and tossing them away..well, the contradiction isn't hard to draw.
When you say that, about life and living it better...my first thought is "how horrible to feel that way." Quickly followed by, that's the way that I have lived my life too. For me, it has been that I never thought I was "meant" to be here and therefore don't live as though I am. And wait, or expect, every day to be my last one. And I don't live it "to its fullest", I just let it pass me by. But, I have to say this to you...what huge wisdom and compassion you display here at this writing place, and how much you offer in being so willing to offer the hand of understanding to others. Those are such extraordinary gifts for this world. And you probably married someone very like you. I believe that the world would be a little more lost and much less enlightened without you. I decided last DEcember that I was not going to live that way anymore and day after day, I am getting closer to it. I'll always question...it is who I am. But, I hope to someday hold inside the certainty that my life needs me. I so very much wish you and your wife the same revelations.
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