Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Ballad of Bartolo Colon

The Slate Cultural Gabfest, which I was not fond of when they ran down Charles Bock's "Beautiful Children" for what I thought were unfair and cheap reasons, brought up this fascinating article from New York Magazine.

It's about promiscuity, and the author takes a very confessional look at human sexuality, and specifically, the desire to cheat. There is a lot of questioning in the comments section about males being hardwired to spread their seed and all that sort of thing.

Personally, I tend to agree with the point about males being compelled to do so. I would find life a lot simpler and, in the end, easier to handle if I felt no sexual desire. As stupid as it sounds, it really is a burden sometimes.

Fortunately, I am unattractive, so the opportunities to cheat are nonexistent.

Bartolo Colon made his season debut for Boston tonight, and currently, Boston leads 5-2 after 6 1/2 innings. Colon pitched 5 solid innings, thus suggesting Boston may have another pitching arrow to add to the quiver.

Bartolo Colon was born in 1973, which would make him two years (or so) younger than me, and made his major league debut in 1997. In his first full season, Bartolo, who is a big man, put up 200 innings and 30 starts for the Indians, and pretty much just put up season after season like that for 7 more years, throwing heat and leaving batters shaking their heads.

In 2005, Bartolo Colon won the Cy Young Award for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Southern California of the United States of Earth, posting a 21-8 mark. After that, he pretty much fell off of the face of the earth, combining injury and general awfulness for two seasons in the wilderness.

But now the big man is back, it would appear, throwing gas and getting people out for a potential playoff team, my Boston Red Sox.

Sometimes you lose it for no good reason, then it comes back.

Jason Calacanis, who knows a thing or two about a thing or two, is twittering about a speech he gave, apparently, in Sydney.

(Breaking news-Chipper Jones just limped off the field after being hit by a pitch while the Braves are putting a hurtin' on the Metsies. Given Chipper's past history of being hurt, this is about as newsworthy as a dog wagging its tail.)

Calacanis argues that a company should focus on its excellent employees and fire all of the average ones. Boy, I wish I worked for a company like that.

I read a lot. (Duh.) The more I learn about management and business, the more I realize that the people I work for don't know a goddamned thing. I feel like I have so much untapped brain power and ability, and yet I'm going to go in tomorrow and eat more shit so I can cash my fat paycheck. Which I've already spent part of, by the way.

I don't understand anything about life at all. I've been on this planet for almost 40 years, and I still don't get it. I can't raise my child, I can't pay my bills, I can't stop spending money, and I can't change anything about any of it.

My son noticed the scarring on my forehead from my sunburn and said "Is that skin cancer?" It isn't- I know the signs. But I thought, "One can only hope."

God is exactly the sort of diety who is going to give me 40 more years of this shit, when I have so horribly misspent this 40. Can't I give mine to Randy Pausch?

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes I think that life is about overcoming so many desires that it becomes unbearable. Of course, I always blame Eve on my end. The perfect human life exists only if you refrain from eating too much food and can maintain the physical model of size nothing perfection. Then marry one person and ignore all the other possibilities, to learn or live differently for a while. Pickle away money that doesn't exist anyway. Be timely. Express appropriate concern but not inappropriate emotion. Follow the leader no matter how much of a dumbass, he/she is. Pay taxes to a government that doesn't support you.

    It sometimes feels pretty hopeless to me.


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