I can't say who it is, but let's just say I heard someone say the following.
"I'm going to cheat on my test so I can make it in time for my son's First Confession."
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Scrapping with Honesty
You would think, had I nothing to say, I would stay quiet.
You would be wrong.
Thanks to Nik (achickcallednik.blogspot.com) for the tip- Ten Things.
Just things. Not special things, or smart things, or funny things. Just things.
1. Can we stop with the anti-"25 Things About Me" columns in newspapers? So people are writing lists about themselves, so what?
2. I was in line behind a woman at Barnes and Noble. When the clerk signalled for her to come to the register, she made a point of saying that she was annoyed because "I don't like to wait."
I didn't say anything. I was thinking, "Oh Really? Because, gee, all these people BEHIND you in line? We LOVE waiting."
NO ONE likes to wait. But we live on Earth with other people, and sometimes we just have to. Tough beans.
3. I don't think it matters how long you live somewhere-you only have one home. Mine is Massachusetts, and a tiny part of me will always miss it.
4. Sometimes I think I was born at the wrong time-I never saw Jackie Robinson, or Jim Brown, or Bobby Orr (well, I DID, I just don't remember), or Bob Cousy. But then I think about the Internet. Maybe I was born at the right time after all.
5. I don't know what happened to my attention span. I don't dislike movies, I just never seem to see any. Name any semi important movie of the last ten years, and I probably haven't seen it.
6. I also seem to have poor taste. Really smart people will tell me that a movie or TV show is garbage-brain candy-and I will know they are right. Yet I will see it and still enjoy it.
7. I'm kind of afraid certain people will find me on Facebook. Not that afraid, but a little bit afraid.
8. On the other hand, there are some people I want to find who aren't there, at least not as far as I can tell. Are those people afraid I'm going to find them? Isn't it ironic?
9. If you go to secrettweet.com and start reading, you will probably conclude that you are nowhere near as crazy as you think you are.
10. Rachel Maddow is so adorable I could just scream.
You would be wrong.
Thanks to Nik (achickcallednik.blogspot.com) for the tip- Ten Things.
Just things. Not special things, or smart things, or funny things. Just things.
1. Can we stop with the anti-"25 Things About Me" columns in newspapers? So people are writing lists about themselves, so what?
2. I was in line behind a woman at Barnes and Noble. When the clerk signalled for her to come to the register, she made a point of saying that she was annoyed because "I don't like to wait."
I didn't say anything. I was thinking, "Oh Really? Because, gee, all these people BEHIND you in line? We LOVE waiting."
NO ONE likes to wait. But we live on Earth with other people, and sometimes we just have to. Tough beans.
3. I don't think it matters how long you live somewhere-you only have one home. Mine is Massachusetts, and a tiny part of me will always miss it.
4. Sometimes I think I was born at the wrong time-I never saw Jackie Robinson, or Jim Brown, or Bobby Orr (well, I DID, I just don't remember), or Bob Cousy. But then I think about the Internet. Maybe I was born at the right time after all.
5. I don't know what happened to my attention span. I don't dislike movies, I just never seem to see any. Name any semi important movie of the last ten years, and I probably haven't seen it.
6. I also seem to have poor taste. Really smart people will tell me that a movie or TV show is garbage-brain candy-and I will know they are right. Yet I will see it and still enjoy it.
7. I'm kind of afraid certain people will find me on Facebook. Not that afraid, but a little bit afraid.
8. On the other hand, there are some people I want to find who aren't there, at least not as far as I can tell. Are those people afraid I'm going to find them? Isn't it ironic?
9. If you go to secrettweet.com and start reading, you will probably conclude that you are nowhere near as crazy as you think you are.
10. Rachel Maddow is so adorable I could just scream.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Death Defying Detonations of Derring Do
Thanks to Katie (www.dontcallmekathleen.blogspot.com), who is apparently as hard up for blog posts as I am, Ten Things I Love That Begin With The Letter D:
10. Depth-whether personally, or in chart form (the depth chart is the list of the players on a team, arranged by position). I like deep things.
9. Detonation-I know it's childish, but watching something blow up is still cool.
8. Diplomacy-whether personal or international, it's always better than fighting.
7. Dontrelle-Specifically Dontrelle Willis of the Detroit Tigers. I have always rooted for him, and I hope he has a nice comeback this year.
6. Diamonds-the baseball kind
5. Diapers-I know this sounds wierd, but changing diapers is kind of fun. And the era ends too soon. "No it doesn't", I can hear the parents of multiple children shouting.
"Write your own dang list!", I reply.
4. The Doors-My favorite D related musical act. I probably read "No One Here Gets Out Alive" a dozen times in high school.
3. Dad-the smartest person I've ever known.
2. David Ortiz-(again, too much baseball? Write your own dang list, then!)for 2004 and 2007 and all the hope from all the games, even the times he couldn't come through-nobody ever tried harder.
1. And at the number one spot...
I don't talk a lot about my personal life. I don't know why, exactly, except it never really seems relevant. I am only just barely interested in the goings on inside my own head, and thus it stretches credulity to believe anyone else may be. Which is why I tend to talk about sports, and politics, and sports, and uh...sports. And things. And stuff. But mostly sports.
But without a doubt, without fear of contradiction, the number one thing in my life that involves the letter D, the cream in my coffee, the pepperoni on my pizza, the person without whom I could not be and would not bother chewing through the straps each morning (h/t Emo Phillips) and getting on with it, is my wife, the patient, utterly adorable and cunningly smart Debbie.
10. Depth-whether personally, or in chart form (the depth chart is the list of the players on a team, arranged by position). I like deep things.
9. Detonation-I know it's childish, but watching something blow up is still cool.
8. Diplomacy-whether personal or international, it's always better than fighting.
7. Dontrelle-Specifically Dontrelle Willis of the Detroit Tigers. I have always rooted for him, and I hope he has a nice comeback this year.
6. Diamonds-the baseball kind
5. Diapers-I know this sounds wierd, but changing diapers is kind of fun. And the era ends too soon. "No it doesn't", I can hear the parents of multiple children shouting.
"Write your own dang list!", I reply.
4. The Doors-My favorite D related musical act. I probably read "No One Here Gets Out Alive" a dozen times in high school.
3. Dad-the smartest person I've ever known.
2. David Ortiz-(again, too much baseball? Write your own dang list, then!)for 2004 and 2007 and all the hope from all the games, even the times he couldn't come through-nobody ever tried harder.
1. And at the number one spot...
I don't talk a lot about my personal life. I don't know why, exactly, except it never really seems relevant. I am only just barely interested in the goings on inside my own head, and thus it stretches credulity to believe anyone else may be. Which is why I tend to talk about sports, and politics, and sports, and uh...sports. And things. And stuff. But mostly sports.
But without a doubt, without fear of contradiction, the number one thing in my life that involves the letter D, the cream in my coffee, the pepperoni on my pizza, the person without whom I could not be and would not bother chewing through the straps each morning (h/t Emo Phillips) and getting on with it, is my wife, the patient, utterly adorable and cunningly smart Debbie.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Not Much
http://www.esquire.com/features/what-ive-learned/sarah-palin-interview-0309
I finished the March Esquire today, and the What I've Learned Section is Sarah Palin. At first I thought it was a joke, and then I remembered Keith Olbermann joking about her admission that one of the reasons she named her daughter Bristol was because she had dreams of working for ESPN, and it turns out it was Sarah herownself, the Moose Killa MILF From Wasilla, and What She's Learned.
Not much, it turns out.
So I read the thing, and she's still deranged. Here's the part that gets me:
"You have to let it go. Even hard news sources, credible news sources — the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that — a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked — what you have to do is let that go."
Yes, Hot Mama. We know that it was a true statement. The reason why everybody went bananas when you said that is not that it wasn't true, it was that YOU SAID IT AS IF THAT FACT MADE YOU QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT.
I finished the March Esquire today, and the What I've Learned Section is Sarah Palin. At first I thought it was a joke, and then I remembered Keith Olbermann joking about her admission that one of the reasons she named her daughter Bristol was because she had dreams of working for ESPN, and it turns out it was Sarah herownself, the Moose Killa MILF From Wasilla, and What She's Learned.
Not much, it turns out.
So I read the thing, and she's still deranged. Here's the part that gets me:
"You have to let it go. Even hard news sources, credible news sources — the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that — a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked — what you have to do is let that go."
Yes, Hot Mama. We know that it was a true statement. The reason why everybody went bananas when you said that is not that it wasn't true, it was that YOU SAID IT AS IF THAT FACT MADE YOU QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT.
A good, hearty chuckle
I got a letter from my college today telling me that it had been 15 years since we graduated, and there were a number of options for where our "class gift" could be spent.
I nearly spit out my Diet Sierra Mist.
I hated my college. I graduated not because I was smart, but because I was stubborn. I can think of several thousand more worthy things to do with money than to give it to my college, including set it on fire, bury it in the woods, or grind it up and use it as mulch.
In summary, they can keep on waiting for my portion of the Class Gift to arrive.
***
A bon mot from Jeffrey Goldberg of the Atlantic Monthly: "In any case, trying to bring a racist to civilization is like trying to teach a dog to sing Verdi."
I nearly spit out my Diet Sierra Mist.
I hated my college. I graduated not because I was smart, but because I was stubborn. I can think of several thousand more worthy things to do with money than to give it to my college, including set it on fire, bury it in the woods, or grind it up and use it as mulch.
In summary, they can keep on waiting for my portion of the Class Gift to arrive.
***
A bon mot from Jeffrey Goldberg of the Atlantic Monthly: "In any case, trying to bring a racist to civilization is like trying to teach a dog to sing Verdi."
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Quickly, now....
...for the next couple of minutes, in my time zone, anyway, it is February 12, the 200th anniversary of the birth of two of the greats, Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin. One saved man from literal bondage, and one saved man from the mental bondage of ignorance.
Freedom FTW!
Freedom FTW!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Much as I hate to perpetuate memes...
...this has me giggling like a schoolboy.
Check out failblog.org
The Octopus
In keeping with the Blogger Code of Commenting on Things You Know Nothing About, I feel like I have let too many days go by without commenting about Nadya Suleman, the woman who Rachel Maddow charmingly calls "the woman with the octopus".
One can argue medical ethics, or personal choice, or single parents, or...I don't know.
My overwhelming conclusion is that it really isn't any of my business, or your business, or anyone's business. It's one of these perfect storm American news stories that lets everyone feel oh so holier than thou about themselves.
It just kind of makes me nauseous. It's none of our business, and we should stop.
One can argue medical ethics, or personal choice, or single parents, or...I don't know.
My overwhelming conclusion is that it really isn't any of my business, or your business, or anyone's business. It's one of these perfect storm American news stories that lets everyone feel oh so holier than thou about themselves.
It just kind of makes me nauseous. It's none of our business, and we should stop.
Perhaps the height of irony.
http://www.masalatime.com/img/83285.jpg
A cake with the word "Fail" written on it.
Misspelled.
A cake with the word "Fail" written on it.
Misspelled.
The White Tiger!
I finished Amiga's "The White Tiger" yesterday-it was very good.
I'm planning to tackle Bolano's "The Savage Detectives" (again) next. I tried it once and it kind of stalled on me.
Wish me luck.
I'm planning to tackle Bolano's "The Savage Detectives" (again) next. I tried it once and it kind of stalled on me.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Unintentional Comedy Alert!
Along with the above story, talking about the pressures on modern teen girls, the Today Show also decided they needed to cover the Sports Illustrated cover model for the swimsuit issue.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Twitternovels!
Peter Segal, of NPR's "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me", has started a meme on Twitter, everyone's favorite microblogging service, called the twitternovel. Summarize a novel in less than 140 characters.
For example:
(from @claire8177) A Telltale Heart: Really? You heard screaming? Huh. Thump. Thump. Thump! THUMP. THUMP! Ok, he's under the floorboards
(from @tonamel) 1984: I hate my job. I hate my friends. I hate the government....I love EVERYTHING. x_x
(from @terrysimpson) The Sun Also Rises: Lost generations seek comfort in booze and bulls. War doesn't mix with genitals
Cool!
For example:
(from @claire8177) A Telltale Heart: Really? You heard screaming? Huh. Thump. Thump. Thump! THUMP. THUMP! Ok, he's under the floorboards
(from @tonamel) 1984: I hate my job. I hate my friends. I hate the government....I love EVERYTHING. x_x
(from @terrysimpson) The Sun Also Rises: Lost generations seek comfort in booze and bulls. War doesn't mix with genitals
Cool!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Submitted...
...an essay to The Baseball Chronicle, a new online baseball magazine today. No money involved, but to be published is to be published. Sorta.
Pointless self gratification FTW!
Pointless self gratification FTW!
Finished!
"Explosion!"- A surprisingly good account of Mickey Mantle's home runs.
Now reading..
Arvind Amiga's "White Tiger"-2008 Booker Prize Winner about a chaffeur turned murderer. Intriguing so far-very tart and funny.
Now reading..
Arvind Amiga's "White Tiger"-2008 Booker Prize Winner about a chaffeur turned murderer. Intriguing so far-very tart and funny.
Less Shouting?
http://www.newsweek.com/id/182531
In his "My Turn" essay, evangelical Richard Mouw, in a plea for tolerance, says, "I voted for the ban. As an evangelical, I subscribe to the 'traditional' definition of a marriage, and I do not want to see the definition changed. Does that mean I want to impose my personal convictions on the broader population? No. I celebrate the fact that we live in a pluralistic society, with many different worldviews and lifestyles. I support the democratic process and believe that civil society is at its best when people with different perspectives engage in a mutually respectful dialogue."
No one is asking you to change your definition of marriage. Your church can marry whomever it pleases. An atheist can't be married in my church. The rest of us are just asking that you keep your views on marriage to yourself.
You celebrate pluralism, I guess as long as that pluralism doesn't make you feel icky.
This is what I cannot understand about gay marriage opponents-what is it about anyone's marriage, including mine, that has any impact on you at all? Ever?
In his "My Turn" essay, evangelical Richard Mouw, in a plea for tolerance, says, "I voted for the ban. As an evangelical, I subscribe to the 'traditional' definition of a marriage, and I do not want to see the definition changed. Does that mean I want to impose my personal convictions on the broader population? No. I celebrate the fact that we live in a pluralistic society, with many different worldviews and lifestyles. I support the democratic process and believe that civil society is at its best when people with different perspectives engage in a mutually respectful dialogue."
No one is asking you to change your definition of marriage. Your church can marry whomever it pleases. An atheist can't be married in my church. The rest of us are just asking that you keep your views on marriage to yourself.
You celebrate pluralism, I guess as long as that pluralism doesn't make you feel icky.
This is what I cannot understand about gay marriage opponents-what is it about anyone's marriage, including mine, that has any impact on you at all? Ever?
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